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The feminists and “girly girls” are going to come for me when I say this but…..I am against the feminist movement…men and women are NOT equals not by biology, not in the way our brains and bodies work not at all….and we need to stop pretending we are. I do not believe the home should be equal either. It’s Jesus, the man, your relationship together and THEN the rest of the home. Women naturally, biblically, biologically are wired to clean, to serve, to manage the inner workings of the house and honestly it’s weird when men are out here doing that…they SHOULDNT HAVE TO. They shouldn’t have to clean(outside of helping out obviously), they shouldn’t have to do laundry, they shouldn’t have to cook, they shouldn’t have to be the primary care taker of the children, and they shouldn’t have to sit with their needs, love or wants unmet either and that’s where many things fail because of neglect of that and not putting that above the household. So yea go make him a sandwich and hate me because I KNOW that’s coming…but it’s true I’ve always believed this way since I can remember as a young girl. I’ve had to make hard choices in my life especially the past few years and even when it’s not something I wanted to do I didn’t choose to do anything on my own because of my beliefs in the role we play where you should have full trust in the men in your life to make the best decisions for the good of everyone and I still believe that to be true today. So come for me but this is only the home page so if stop checking the test of the pages on this site if you are not an offended women. If you are I don’t care anyway opinions don’t bother me. And the only very good friends I’ve ever had are men because I cannot stand women I’m not girly enough for their bullshit I can’t stand even hanging out with them I’m a boys girl and that’s never changed so if the bow loving pink wearing full makeup curled hair girls come for me then so be it you won’t bother me any though. I said what I said and it’s the truth over whatever delusional world the feminists and women’s right groups are living in…

I believe some things aren’t meant to be shared. Not your skin, not your body, not your photos. The more you give access to everyone the less value you have to give to anyone else. If everyone can have access then what is there still to offer another that everyone doesn’t already have? The average number of people that’s globally considered the average for the majority of the world and healthy to share your body with in an entire lifetime is 5-7….women are online sharing their bodies with millions. I believe there’s something much more intimate about saving that exclusively for just one. Quality over quantity 1 who knows and has learned your body so well is better than anything else. I wish for 2026 the movement of posting those types of shoots or images online it being “normal” stops that more will start to report pages and artists etc. who post those as content it hurts the self esteem of young girls, women and has done so much more than that. You can love your body without needing a bunch of men liking your photos, without following you because they’re not following you because of you they’re following because what you’re giving is free….and the men you’ll find in those likes or on your list aren’t men they’re not there to give you the type of appreciation you’re actually seeking. Most of them in your likes on that content are following more women than you probably even know yourself, and they don’t even know who most of them even are, and almost half probably are half naked all over their profiles. Trust me women seeing that online what ungrown boys are looking at liking or following online it’s disrespectful to see how they view all those women like that, it hurts the other women’s confidence to even see that. And they’re not the people you’re going to get much more from especially not help you learn to love yourself by posting that content because all those men on there they’re I promise talking to at least a dozen other girls it’s not them on yours because you’re any different and social media behavior tells you everything about who women or men are and loyalties if they’re mature or grown or good people and I see so many girls with all these random men liking and following because of their content and they’re always wondering why they can’t find anyone that actually treats them well it’s because none of those are real men men don’t follow randoms they don’t have thousands of women on their social medias they don’t have half naked models on there and they’re not liking their content you are finding those people because you’re posting the type of content and behaving in a way that invites them to treat you that way as an object. And I wish this year that stopped. It’s toxic I’ve felt what its like multiple times in my life to see what others look at or follow or like and have had the impact of that happen to me myself where I’d compare myself to all those models and naked women and try to wonder why I wasn’t like that I’ve felt the impact of how much it actually shreds it destroys your self esteem it’s not healthy. That’s why there’s such a movement right now for men and women alike where they’ve called that behavior out where anyone actually looking for anything they don’t want people who are all over social media they don’t want men or women who have Snapchat they don’t want someone with all the naked girls on their lists or likes and that change I’m glad is happening and I’ve seen hundreds of men women therapists, relationship advice columns on how to know if someone’s good or not call that out as something no longer being tolerated because it does only give people the illusion there’s something better out there and they’re too distracted on social media scrolling and neglect what’s in front of them. Girls you don’t need to post your body or yourself to love yourself or be loved. Okay? I’m not calling men or women out who do follow content either it’s different when you seek it out when that’s all you look at when it causes you to neglect you man or your women and then it hurts people or ruins relationships because of an addiction to content or what you see online or a preference for that over what’s in front of you I’m all for whatever I don’t believe in controlling what anyone does ever that’s your decision to be respectful of the one you’re with or you love even not with them or whatever and to make good choices not my place to tell you what you can and can’t do. So I’m not saying everyone’s crap that does just that I wish people would sit back and realize how hurtful it can be to body image, the ones you love etc. because years past even maybe since but I learned never to even care to know those things so I don’t look or pay attention haven’t really much ever but the few times I have i remember seeing what people follow or like or post in the past and I’d be in tears because I’d be comparing myself or seeing that I’m nothing like those girls who are photoshopped or fake or had enhancements or posting that stuff and I’d be in tears that I wasn’t enough or I was fat or not pretty enough or my hair was the wrong color and I know how bad it can affect women or girls to see that being accepted or normal. It got so bad that I would doubt everything that there was a time I’d even wonder while doing things like intimacy if it was me or all those others all over the internet were really the thought in others mind at the time or if things didn’t happen for awhile I’d wonder if I wasn’t enough and all those were the preferred method and it’s damaging. And hard to admit as someone who felt that way which isn’t anyone’s fault it’s me who felt it but admitting even i too have been impacted in those moments and it tore me down too.

I myself you’ll never find my name in a like on a man post literally even ones I know, you won’t find any men in my inboxes, you won’t find me flirting with any, you won’t find them in my phone stacked up. Being able to simply hand anyone at all if asked your phone and saying yup here and this is my password check out whatever you want is a weight I’ve always been thankful I never have to worry about because any time any day I can give anyone my phone and say sure here because they’ll never find anything not even likes. That’s maturity that’s what’s going to help you love yourself, to have self esteem and you won’t find that by posting for attention by hundreds of men because they’re not there for you. Please love yourself more this year.

I don’t believe in giving up if something matters to you if there’s chemistry, love, meaning or you’ve had years of meaning even in the worst situations. I believe what many others do, therapists, coaches etc. that anything can be and is worth fixing. The lengths of time spent learning people, that connection, the history it’s never worth wasting. Especially people you love that doesn’t simply end because you give up and as someone who forced themselves to not care trust me doing that pretending you don’t, forcing yourself to not care, ignoring it. That is much more painful, way more hurt than anything else could be, because love doesn’t just stop. I may have masked my own problems, I may force myself to pretend I don’t care, or love even if I do but pretend I don’t but I also did that for years I tried to find other things thinking what’s real can be replaced for good enough and it cannot. We are grown and at my age at least you can’t just go around and date everyone. Too grown mid life to think you we loved someone but couldn’t get ourselves together to have what’s worth it so oh well let’s replace it. That’s not maturity and I’ve learned that myself I did that and all I did was feel sick that I was living a lie, how unfair it was to other people even if I was treated horribly by others how it felt like betrayal almost it felt wrong. And I’ll NEVER do that again. My life will be spent without any of that no love no trying to find second best, nothing just to fill needs or a void, no connections that I know I’ll feel as if I’m lying to them as I did in the past when I tried. Because you can’t replace everything. I don’t believe it anymore because I’m exhausted from life just everything but I believe nothing is ever too bad to not fix, you can start over, start fresh, learn each other again, do things right, forgive, remind yourselves why you love each other. Some forget that how you treat another, or hurt, life it changes people in the moment maybe not for the better and many good things fail because one or the other forgot that isn’t who they fell in love with. Take time to remember what drew you to someone in the first place and find that again. Some things are rare, reflecting and saying “wow all this and someone stayed when i probably didn’t deserve it they loved still when i didn’t deserve it how impact full those actions alone are to have someone care so much about someone. You cannot replace those bonds. Even if you have to take space, time, get each of yourselves together, seek therapy individually, work on life with the plan to come back together and start over it’s always worth it. I did some therapy the past few years and i remember one of them telling me how realistic my thoughts were that ideally yes this is how things work I’m not thinking anything that’s insane but not everyone has the capacity or have gotten the mental help they may need to grasp things the way that may seem logical to another. And that’s okay. Who said to fight for what sounded important. And i may not be fighting anymore, i dont ask, i dont expect or hope or try to let it bother me. I’ve accepted being alone instead and thats okay but im also grown and im not a cynic i dont want it for myself but i never want anyone else to give up on anything they love nomatter if its a person place job or hobby. It’s never going to be worth throwing away. If you have to lose everyone you know, make enemies, whatever it is to have that to fight for it ….its worth it. It’s not worth trying to do what I did though to ignore it and replace it with anything else you’ll have dreams, your thoughts will be somewhere other than the person standing in front of you, it will haunt you because it did me once. Not caring and giving up is more painful than anything else you could do. So even if I’ve given up I don’t want anyone else maybe in the same situations to give up. please don’t!

I had another page I couldn’t figure out how to fix the url when my free trial ended and couldn’t pay for a paid one so I created this one it’s a work in progress and something different than what I normally write about. Trying to be the me I have to mask and keep hidden because I never get to let her out and have to contain myself and my wildly inappropriate thoughts most of the time. Which are thoughts I have every single day and I promise women’s dirty thoughts are borderline illegal it’s so much more unholy than a man’s is. And the sucky part is those things never leave our thoughts we don’t get to just do those things when we want to and that makes been thinking of it torture especially in my current situation it’s hell because I don’t have that option and I don’t even have that ability to take care of those needs myself with myself either life’s rough…and it happens EVERY SINGLE DAY. I’m trying to even though I’ve accepted no one else is coming into my life I’m not even interested in changing that ever I still want to mentally get back to that girl I can’t be the infj, the submissive the loud but servant attitude one even if it’s only for myself.

There will be pages that separate topics, movies I waited to see in theatres and missed out on….recently multiple and 2 this year I couldn’t see actually hurt because I waited 1-2 years for them…charging my phone isn’t easy I’ve had to borrow others chargers, and with the rain this week my stuff because I’m also currently homeless and it’s not important how I got here if I didn’t mention that above which is why I started this to be more serious and dedicated this time to it maybe to have a friend in myself or a place I can talk and be seen and not silence and being felt to be like I’m nobody to everyone around me when no one really talks to me but my friends talk to everyone else or our other friends just it’s only me everyone treats that way and it all sucks, I’ve been through a lot I don’t need to dive into. So things aren’t easy I don’t have many options so I’m going to try and make this one successful maybe a way out. I’ll have pages for the movies, one on gaming not that I even can game anymore, one on love, infj, submission, one for all the dirty thoughts I have and my advice on them and fun mixed in there like fantasies and creative places to have that kind of fun things I would think about and never got to even do with anyone the nsfw page, one for photos, one for my travel and adventure dreams places I want to see, my goals, and other random topics this isn’t a blog it’s a collection of me, of 1 humans life here on earth. I need someone around and this page maybe will be the person for me. It’s not done, more pages are coming but the mix of life and it’s rained the last few days I have a backpack and it’s been soaked for 3 days without being able to fully dry it along with most of what I’m wearing it suck’s. And the editing and graphics for each page takes hand skills I don’t have right now because I did something last Friday it was my daughters birthday and I had to miss it and her she turned 6…I did something because of the way the feelings my emotions my heart from not only that but multiple other things and from living this way from even being put in this situation from other things I’ve felt or went through it became something I couldn’t escape I couldn’t even cry it out I couldn’t breathe and I had nobody not one person to talk to in the moment and it was a hard day I did something as a result not knowing what to do with the way my whole body felt that I’ve only done one other time 2.5 ish years ago and it fucked my hand up back then when I did it too because of the same feeling from what I went through then and I did it again and really may have broken my hand but probably not however it’s very bruised and typing actually hurts I’ve taken space to think and sort out my own insides since but it’s not any better (the inside not my hand) actually the past week is almost worse…

And a disclaimer all the photos you’ll see are pretty old I’m not that pretty anymore I never really was much to look at but right now I have 2-3 outfit options essentially they’re all the same or close to it in style and they haven’t been washed other than me trying to in gas station bathrooms not fully being able to clean them in 3 months at all I own mascara and some expired powder so my skincare is bad, my teeth I spent thousands on are hurting in places because I can’t do normal care for myself at the moment so any photos just disclaimer I’m ragged, used up, old and ugly right now and I really never was much more than that and it’s okay because I admit that and don’t need attention to feel better lol 😆 it’s okay with me. I’m here to try and be more comfortable being the type of girl and personality I am and not locking that wild dark side away even if I’ve never been allowed to bring her out in either too loud and it’s weird or I’m too quiet and I’m boring but I really want her to be able to say the most fucked yo shit that I think of that’s not appropriate or do and act on those things and trust me it’s hard because I live in honesty the mess the reality I don’t ever want people around me if they don’t know every single piece of truth and real that exists I want to make sure they’re there because of it not because they don’t see it and I don’t ever have to feel judged or not be me or the mess and trust me lately for awhile I feel like I’ve only became a liar or hid things because forcing yourself to ignore wants thoughts needs cravings feelings or emotions or even that you care about someone or something and instead pretending you don’t or it’s okay literally lying….its fucked me up just as bad as other things I’ve gone though and knots in my stomach everyday because I know I’m lying and I don’t not care I actually care but I pretend I don’t and let a lot of things slide now and I’m trying my best to push it away to run away to lock it up but just as every other time I did that it’s a feeling a wrong of guilt of betrayal and that’s not me and I don’t like feeling like that and I never am allowed to just do that or just say the most dirty fucked up thing and I can’t so I’m trying to do myself which sounds wrong but that’s also what I mean…😜🤪 we’ve got to a new low lol. 😂 mind fucking yourself when you can’t do yourself or anyone else sooo…that’s my life I’m glad you’re here to hear that and I’m sorry you just had to. This is different than emotions im trying to ignore those which as I said trust me is the worse option but I can’t do anything about them so I’m trying to mask cope and distract I guess instead unhealthy but what else do we do with all that’s in our heart and we have to pretend it’s not? It doesn’t just go away so for me I have to find ways to pretend I don’t care just in very different ways than I handled it in the past. It’s a place to talk about all the dark, sexual dirty, emotional, just daily life, things I see and like or even just memes because some of those topics I don’t act on or was afraid to do or touch people or ask for because if I mention it or anything to anyone could be any topic even a random thing to a friend it’s like I shouldn’t have said it or people act weird or it’s too emotional or I’m saying something I shouldn’t and people get confused and withdrawal and then I’ve felt before like I have to respect that and wait for someone else to make a move or say something or start a conversation because I don’t know what I’m allowed to do to say and I respect people in my life well specific people owe anyone else in general I respect everyone and I don’t want to say or do something and then feel like I wasn’t supposed to I wish it wasn’t like that because I wouldn’t be avoiding some of the things I don’t or didn’t do. Since I can’t act on those “thoughts” or what my body wants or what as a submissive if you know you know or an infj is what grounds us when the worlds too loud I don’t have that and can’t act on it don’t have access to it and cannot ask for it so I made this to talk about all the very colorful wonderful and also torture filled and painful things my body wants or thinks about or does and betrays me on a even when homeless actual DAILY basis…and no I was never someone who wanted or thought of things as often as I do now I did but it was just the situations or the people but everyone every infj in specific they say myth has it there’s only 1 if you even find it thing that really brings out that craving you’d literally lick shit off the floor if that’s what did it for them and yea that’s why I’m also done trying to ever replace things I’m done with anyone new or anyone else or anyone touching me having access anything involving loyalty or emotions I’m out one less girl in the sea of shitty fish lol 😂 like I said I’ve tried it been there done that masked my true emotions and felt like I was betraying another person even if it’s people at the time I had no contact with it looking back the past few years on my own past still makes me want to throw up knowing I really tried to make myself believe in things I was trapped in or what I was in when my child was born just to convince myself I could ignore other things but felt guilty at the time that I was doing something wrong because I knew already it wasn’t right and I’ll never ever do that again. And anything that’s less than what I’ve experienced in the bed department I’m not interested in ever even exploring that not ever. I’ll be a nun it’s not worth it knowing I’ve done that already before and there wasn’t anything better. But I can’t say anything I can’t act on those thoughts, I can’t even do it for myself and my needs and I was never someone who ever care I didn’t even touch me but things changed and now I’m a attitude driven, pissed off, cranky, shitty bratty person most of the time because I know what’s “quality” and awakened the demons and I can’t access that enough not nearly. And in addition to my hate of “feminists” I am quite proud of the fact that in certain places or situation I am one female you literally would never hear the words “no” or I “have a headache” or “I’m tired” or would even withhold it because I’m mad I literally can’t in some instances just in that circumstance though not in general and I never would because again your role well for men and women include that aspect of a relationship too and if that’s too hard to provide or do maybe you hate that person and you shouldn’t be there because that’s a pretty important thing to have and make sure it’s healthy. So I made this to say all the things I always have to trap in my head because I’m always unsure I’m allowed to say them or do them and I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable if it’s not invited attention or wanted. As an infj and my type we literally will not do anything not even touch someone if they do not actually verbally or otherwise give us permission to do so it’s just respect and care and our hearts. I also have a fear of doing something wrong and people ghosting or leaving because of it too so that’s added in. But you basically have to tell us hey it’s okay if you ever want to do this just go for it or ask or whatever and especially me because I’ve said or did things that the responses made me feel like I overstepped or did something wrong and it made me scared. And that part wasn’t whoever said or did it not their fault the fear after to not again was just past trauma. The fear of losing people I care about too and I try to make everyone else comfortable make sure they’re okay and if something I do or say is “too much” I’d rather pretend I don’t feel it or want it or care anymore I’d rather pretend I don’t than lose people if I act like I care too much. And the way pretending you don’t care or anything you feel is whatever or you don’t crave or want things you think about everyday mixed with life, lack of sleep, clothes, rain my child’s birthday all of it is what built up and her birthday is that one thing that hit all the rest and it fell worse than it’s feel since I became homeless and I punched a parking ramp wall harder than I’ve punched anything in my entire life because I didn’t know what else to do with the way my body feel like it was so full of shit and on fire and the emotions were going to kill me if I didn’t do something in the moment and I’ve done it once before with something I went through and lost a child a whole human and that’s the only other time and I fucked my hand up a lot worse this time and apparently didn’t learn a lesson the first time I did it….